Wiener Eater
by Midwich Cuckoo
Summary: Ed gets hungry and tries to eat something that doesn't belong to him.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from the cartoon in any way.**

**Beta: Moviemom44**

"I don't get it," sighed Ed, looking at his friends sitting on the swings and staring at him in daze, as if their less intelligent playmate had suddenly grown a pair of antennae on his head. Or did something just as unusual, like developed a hidden hatred for buttered toast or monster movies. Or… did what he did.

"I don't know why it happened to me," said the dimwitted boy, wrinkling his unibrow in concentration, a rare state for him. He seemed quite confused as to the reason for the whole mess he was implicated in. "I don't know why I had to go to the school psychologist".

Edd and Eddy exchanged glances and then looked at their friend.

"Ed, you can't eat just anything you encounter," said Double-D in his know-it-all voice, creasing his sock-like hat with its mysterious content beneath. "We keep explaining this issue to you over and over, yet you exhibit this fatal tendency for ignoring our warnings. You…"

"Double-D, stop whining," Eddy spoke up, fixing his eyes on the unhappy and confused Ed. His voice in turn expressed irritation. The aforementioned friend cast a hurt glare at him but shut his mouth so that the other boy could speak.

"Why did you do it? What for heaven's sake made you try to eat this?"

The answer was just as simple as one could expect from a simple-minded boy like Ed.

"I was hungry."

Eddy face-palmed, letting out a long, irritated sigh.

"I just had to do it," Ed tried to explain himself. "Sara ate my breakfast because I let her do it for not telling mom about my reading her diary and I was so hungry for the whole day. And then later I saw Nazz carrying this huge weiner and I…"

"You shouldn't ever eat anything that doesn't belong to you," Edd explained to him, patiently, as if he was having to do with a young child, younger even than Jimmy. "Never ever, especially when you don't know what it is. Otherwise you can have problems as the result. Severe problems. Just like now. We really didn't expect you could ever do anything like that."

"But I was so hungry," again said Ed in a sad voice. "I didn't eat anything else for the whole day thanks to Sara. I know it wasn't mine. And I know that Nazz is angry because of what I did. I'm really very sorry now. I shouldn't have snatched it from her so unexpectedly."

"You indeed shouldn't," Eddy agreed with his friend. "Regardless of how tasty it looked. But you only got just a few bites; it's good you didn't eat the whole thing."

"I won't any more," Ed nodded. "I won't do it ever. You know, this wiener wasn't that tasty at all but it was so big and looked so delicious… it was like it was straining to get to me itself. I never knew a sausage or any other food could ever seem so friendly… so dying to be eaten. Everybody from the cul de sac is now looking at me like that… Not only Nazz; everybody. The psychologist also looked at me as if I did something really bad. This is what he told me: "You did something horrible, boy, and should be ashamed of yourself."

"You did and you should," said Eddy. "And you should have been sent also to an oculist as well, not just to a psychologist," he added. "I'm surprised they didn't do it."

"Why to an oculist?" asked Ed, surprised. "I already know what I did was wrong. The psychologist said this to me so I understand this. What would I need an oculist for?"

"Yes, you understand now thanks to him," agreed Eddy. "But understanding isn't everything. An oculist would help you with this not happening any more. You would get glasses. And then you wouldn't have any problems of this sort any more. You wouldn't have any wiener related problems any more". The boy sighed. "With glasses you would know that it wasn't such an ordinary wiener Nazz had, you fool. It was a wiener _dog_. You wanted to eat her dachshund!"

**A curious detail – here, in Poland, wiener dogs are often referred to as, literally, "ovaries" in a light-hearted way. That's because of this just one letter difference in the names – "dachshund" is translated as "jamnik" while "ovary" means "jajnik".**


End file.
